Did You Know that Yesterday was World Elder Abuse Awareness Day?
If you’re like me, you probably didn’t know that yesterday was World Elder Abuse Awareness Day. I didn’t hear about on the news or read about it in the newspaper. The only reason I knew about was that I read about on the Elder Guru blog.
The fourth annual World Elder Abuse Awareness Day was declared by the International Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse (INPEA). We don’t hear as much about elder abuse as we do other forms of abuse, such as child abuse or domestic violence. According to the INPEA:
Information on the extent of abuse in elderly populations is scant. The few population-based studies that have been conducted suggest that between 4% and 6% of elderly people have experienced some form of abuse in the home. The elderly are also at risk of abuse in institutions such as hospitals, nursing homes and other long-term care facilities. In a survey in the United States, for example, 36 % of nursing-home staff reported having witnessed at least one incident of physical abuse of an elderly patient in the previous year, 10% admitted having committed at least one act of physical abuse themselves, and 40% said that they had psychologically abused patients.
It’s hard to imagine that anyone could abuse such a helpless, defenseless group of people, but it does happen. What can be done to prevent this? Even though I do sometimes get frustrated with my mom, I couldn’t fathom doing any harm to her. But what if I were a burned out, exhausted caregiver? What if I were having a bad day and her dementia-altered behavior was difficult to deal with? Is it possible that in a moment of anger I could do something regrettable?
I remember when my son Tyler was a baby. I heard a lot about shaken baby syndrome, and I couldn’t imagine how anyone could be so angry with an innocent, helpless baby that they would want to shake it. Tyler was a happy, easy to care for baby. He rarely cried, and when he did he was easily consoled. At the time, I thought this was due to my excellent mothering skills, LOL.
Well, someone up above much have thought I needed a reality check. Our daughter came along, who we ironically named Angel. In spite of my “excellent mothering skills” she was the fussiest, most colicky baby you could imagine. If I was holding her she would cry until I would stand, then we would cry until I started to walk. She cried when she was hungry and when she was full. The ONLY person she wanted when she was upset was me, and she still cried.
One night, I was home alone with the kids. I was exhausted, and I was trying to get Angel to settle down and go to sleep. She would be sound asleep in her crib, then she would wake up screaming. I would get her calmed down and back asleep, only for her to wake up again 20 to 30 minutes later. After going through this at least six or seven times, I finally thought I had her down for good. I was started to relax and enjoy having some time to myself, when I heard her again. Exasperated, I started to her room. With every step, I started to become more angry to the point I was actually stomping when I got to her room.
As I stomped toward her crib, I felt a feeling I had never felt before. This isn’t easy for me to admit, but for one second I felt so angry and frustrated that I wanted to pick her up and shake her until the crying stopped. I stopped cold in my tracks, and I turned around and walked out of her room. I waited until I calmed down before I went back to tend to her. I’m so thankful that night that I was able to recognize that feeling and stop myself.
That was an important lesson for me. I realized that anyone who is stressed and exhausted can be capable of doing something in anger that they would never do otherwise. As I go through this journey of caring for my mom, I must be aware and not let myself become burned out and stressed. Left unchecked, a moment of anger could turn into a lifetime of regret.
