My Mom’s Story – Part 1: Who She Was Before She Had Alzheimer’s Disease

From what I’ve learned about Alzheimer’s disease, it affects everyone a little differently.  Everyone’s story is unique, yet there may be certain aspects that others can relate to.  I’m going to share a five-part series of posts that explains Mom’s story with Alzheimer’s so far.  Today’s post is about who Mom was before she had Alzheimer’s disease.  The following are the other posts in this series:

Part 2 – Medical Problems and Conditions Before Mom Had Alzheimer’s Disease

Part 3 – The Early Signs and Symptoms of Alzheimer’s Disease

Part 4 – The Later Signs and Symptoms of Alzheimer’s Disease

Part 5 – The Alzheimer’s Disease Diagnosis

To understand my Mom who suffers from early to moderate Alzheimer’s today, you have to know who she was before she had Alzheimer’s.  Even though Alzheimer’s and the dementia that accompanies it often changes behavior, I see a lot of familiar behaviors in Mom that come out when she misinterprets or imagines an event that upsets her.

My mom grew up in rural Kentucky and later Indiana on farms.  She had four sisters and one brother.  Sadly, Mom and one of her sisters were born with a birth defect.  They both were born with a cleft palate and lip (commonly known as harelip), where there was an opening left on their upper lips and the top of their mouth.  They had a simple operation when they were children, and when they were in their late teens they had plastic surgery to improve their appearance.

Honestly, if you were to look at my Mom, you probably would not realize she had had this deformity at first glance.  She has a small scar on her upper lip, and her nose is slightly misshaped on one side.  For as long as I have known Mom, she has been extremely self-conscious about her face.  It has had a very negative affect on her self-esteem, and she has always thought that people were staring at her.  I suspect she had a very difficult time growing up because it had not been corrected very well when she was a child.  We all know that children can be very cruel, and I’m sure she did bear the brunt of a lot of hurtful teasing and exclusion by the other kids.

Later, My mom met my dad and married him when she was 28.  They only dated 6 months, but I believe Mom desperately wanted to be married (28 was old to not be married in those days).  From as long as I can remember, their marriage was not a happy one.  They had none of the same interests and Mom’s unresolved self-esteem issues and problems with depression made things worse.  After 20 years of marriage, Dad could not handle it anymore and left.

After their marriage ended, Mom was a mess.  She went through a deep depression and leaned on my sister and I a lot.  Mom had depended on my dad for so long to handle all of the finances and home maintenance, that she was overwhelmed with the idea of doing it all alone.  She finally got a good office job and started to get back on her feet.  Mom’s job was about an hour’s drive away.  She decided she wanted to move to the city to be closer to work, so she sold the house to my husband and I, and she got an apartment in the city.

This was a happy time for Mom.  I think for the first time in a long time she felt like she was in control of her life.  She really liked living in the city and having everything nearby and so convenient.  She also had a lot of extra money since we bought the house from her.  She was able to buy a new car and new furniture.    Everything was going great, for awhile…

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