Today Our Timing Was Off and I Made Mom Mad

Sometimes the behaviors and dementia that are a part of Mom’s Alzheimer’s disease are very frustrating.  There are some days I just need to vent to get my feelings out.

Today is one of those days.  Mine and Mom’s timing was off, and it caused a conflict.  This morning we were planning on going to church.  We don’t go every Sunday, but we try to go as often as we can.  Mom has not gone with us in a long time.  She’ll say that she’s going to go, but when Sunday morning comes she’ll say that she’s tired and doesn’t want to go.

I thought today was going to be different.  My husband had to work this morning, and he left around 6:15 a.m.  As soon as he left, I heard Mom up in the kitchen.  Since I usually have to wake her up to see if she wants to go to church, I was happy that she got up on her own and had plenty of time to get ready.  I went back to sleep and slept until 8:30.

We have to leave no later than 9:50 to get to church by 10:00.  I knew if I got in the shower by 9:00, I would have just enough time.  So after I woke up, I got some breakfast, checked my email, and woke up the kids.  Mom was in her room and I figured she was getting ready.  At 9:00, I had my bathrobe and I was getting ready to go into the bathroom to take my shower.  Before I could get in the bathroom, Mom came out of her room and announced that she was getting ready to take HER shower.

I stared at Mom for a second then looked over at the clock.  I knew there was no way that she could take a shower and be ready in time to go (she takes much longer to get ready than I do).  Plus, this would mean that I wouldn’t be able to take my shower until she was out of the bathroom, so I wouldn’t be ready in time either.  Mom assured me it wouldn’t take her long and she would be ready.  I reminded her that I needed to get in the bathroom, too.  She said it would just take her a few minutes.

I waited, and at 9:10 she still wasn’t in the shower because she had been looking for her shower cap.  She finally got in the bathroom.  While I was waiting for her to finish, I knew we both would not be ready in time.  Mom is never on time anyway, and she would not have enough time to get ready.  I wouldn’t have enough time either, and if we tried we would be rushing and hurrying to the point that everyone would be stressed out.

Mom did hurry in the bathroom (I didn’t hear the shower, so I think she just washed herself off).  When she came out at 9:15, I told her that I didn’t have enough time to get ready so we wouldn’t be going today.  I could tell Mom was starting to get mad.  I tried to explain to her that I thought she had already taken her shower and started getting ready since she was up so early.  Mom said it wasn’t her fault and stomped off to her room.

Since I didn’t have to hurry to get ready, I poured a cup of coffee and sat down in the living room with my laptop.  Usually, I would have the news on, but I was enjoying the quiet time to read and do some writing.  After about 30 minutes, Mom poked her head into the living room and asked if it was safe to come in.  I said yes (she must have thought I was mad).  When she came in she looked at me sitting on the couch and asked, “Well, what are you doing?”  I said that since we weren’t going to church I was on the computer.  “Well, I was ready to go,” she announced.  I quietly reminded her that I did not have enough time.

Mom went on to tell me that she was “watching some preachin’ on T.V.”  She likes to watch Joel Osteen and Charles Stanley.  As she was talking about their shows, she started to pick up the remote for the T.V. in the living room.  I said, “I thought you were watching in your room.”  “Oh, I am,” she replied.  I asked her why she was turning on the T.V. in the living room.  She answered that she wanted it on both T.V.’s so she could watch it when she walked in and out of her room.

That was enough for me.  I did not feel like listening to televangelists with the volume turned way up.  I picked up my laptop and headed upstairs to my room.  “Well, where are you going?” Mom asked.  I told her I was going upstairs.  Mom was indignant.  “Well, they are good preachers.  Why don’t you want to listen to them?”  I told her that was fine if she wanted to listen to them, but I really did not want to.

So here I am up in my room trying to stay away from Mom until she calms down.  I know she’s still mad because she told both my son and my husband when he got home her story about why we didn’t go to church, and that I’m blaming her for it.

Okay, I think I’ve sulked enough.  I’m really not mad at Mom, and I should have been up earlier to make sure she had enough time to get ready.  It was bad timing all around, and sometimes I forget how badly the dementia throws off Mom’s sense of time.  Next time will be better.

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 14th, 2009 at 2:58 pm and is filed under Caregiving Vents. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.