What if You Cannot Finish the Caregiving Journey Yourself?
Continuing with my series of posts about the caregiving journey, this post discusses tough decisions that need to be made as the road becomes more treacherous. Being a long-term caregiver is a very difficult, challenging job. When you are providing care for someone who has Alzheimer’s disease, the task becomes more difficult as the disease progresses. How long can someone continue being the primary caregiver when the care recipient has a degenerative disease and will need more and more care?
As my mom’s primary caregiver, I like to think that I’m in it for the long haul. That somehow, I’ll be able to learn as I go, and I’ll be able to care for her and keep her safe and content at home for as long as possible. Then reality hits. How much can I do? How much am I prepared to handle? What about the needs of my own family? What about my job? What about my own physical, mental, and emotional limitations?
Caregiving is a long difficult journey with many twists and turns along the way. Sometimes, it becomes too difficult and dangerous to continue on your own. I would imagine that the decision to stop before the finish would be heart-wrenching and painful. I think it is important to realize that caregiving does not have to be an all or nothing process. If and when the time comes when you feel you cannot finish the journey on your own, you can still be a participant – even if it is from the sidelines.
Your situation may show that your loved one needs more care than is possible for you to provide by yourself. If it is in you or your loved one’s best interest to have more direct care provided by others, you can still play a vital role through emotional support and advocacy. It is better to pass the torch to those better equipped to continue the journey than to try to go it on your own and fail.
November 29th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
i want to reassure you that you are absolutely right to know that there may indeed come a time when you can’t do everything needed. no ONE person can. that’s why they call it the 36-hour day. one really easy question a caregiver can ask, rather than get lost in guilt or sorrow, is: does my Mom (or my Dad or my spouse) need more care than one person can give? when the answer becomes “Yes!”, then you begin to look at sharing the care. you find a nice care home, as small and cosy as possible, where the people are loving and the food is good. then you let them do that part of the care and you carry on doing the loving and having what they call quality time. i’ve worked in care homes and even had my own, and i’ve seen how much people with dementia can flourish and relax and, yes, even grow emotionally and in peace and then they really can enjoy a shared time of love with a daughter like you. Good care places welcome you as part of the daily life there, whenever you can go, because we understand that while we can also love your Mom, only you can be the daughter she loves. There are many wonderful places out there, so don’t be afraid.
December 6th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Dear Frena – Thank you for stopping by and commenting. You are absolutely right that a time may come where one person cannot do it all, and there is nothing wrong with engaging the help of others to do what is best for the one needing care.